Something very interesting

It’s been a while since I have posted on helenandjo.com This is not because interesting things have not been happening. Quite the reverse, it is because too many interesting thing have been going on so I never have any time.

Anyway, I have a couple of spare minutes in which to tell about something very interesting – or rather very boring: My quest for “Inbox Zero”.

This is something I read about somewhere, possibly in a magazine, and it has become my new obsession. I must delete or file all my emails until there are NONE left in my inbox. When I started I had nearly 50,000 emails in my inbox. I am now down to just under 29,000. This is a MAJOR achievement and worth celebrating. I don’t know how long it will take me to get to zero. The trouble is that new emails keep coming in so I need to ensure I am deleting at a faster rate than the rate at which they arrive.

People will say this is just an extension of my obsession with tidying and I suppose it is. I am letting my life slip away while I concentrate on being neat.

Blummin’ beauty!

The new owners of our local convenience store – formerly known as Pricesnipper – have come up with brilliant business idea: setting up a beauty salon next to the bins. This is worse than the time the former owner tried to set up a Parisian-style pavement cafe amid the litter and bus fumes.

The new salon – located in the shop’s old storeroom – is called Blooming Beauty or rather Blummin’ Beauty. It offers a very wide range of treatments including eyelash extensions, eyebrow tinting, manicures and facials as well as “buttocks waxing”. It is all very glamorous which is why it is a shame you have to edge round several overflowing industrial waste bins to get there.

Advent – Day 2

Whatever can it be?

It’s an angel themed pencil – very Christmassy! Actually, the pencil shows Michael Angelo’s painting of The Last Judgement – when we all float up to heaven and get sorted into good or bad. This is less Christmassy. It reminds me of the time Helenandi went to see the Sistine Chapel and I did not see the most famous bit with the two fingers. I also remember that trip because we were massively over-charged by the nasty woman who sold us our bus tickets. Those were the days when different countries in Europe had different money – lira in this case. Memories! The pencil is unsharpened, which is GOOD.

Mystery squash

I have grown this mystery squash on my allotment. You can just see my fingers at the bottom of the picture for scale. Helen gave me the plant but even she is not sure what type of squash it is. She suggested it was just a big courgette but it is not because it has a hard, waxy skin. I wonder if it will taste nice and when I should harvest it. Yet another Helenandjo Mystery waiting to be solved. Other open cases include The Mystery of the Balloon in the Garden and The Mystery of Which Moron Vandalised Our Trees – see previous posts.

Another intruder!

Fresh from dealing with vandals entering my garden and attacking my trees, I was forced to deal with another intruder today. This!

A dreadful balloon, which had also come into the garden without permission. I don’t know which selfish four-year-old it belongs to but they too deserve to be fined/jailed – like the tree smashers -for letting a beastly balloon float willy nilly and into the garden of someone who loathes balloons. Thankfully the balloon was quite withered and old enabling me to carefully snip it with some scissors and defuse it. What next?!

Major victory

I have won yet another major victory for common sense after making an official complaint to my bank about the way they handled an application for a new account.

To cut a long and very boring story short this required sending some certified documents. I sent them some certified documents but they were rejected because the person doing the certifying had not written exactly the right thing. However, when I rang my bank – let’s call it Grimace – they could not tell me exactly what wording was needed and this information was nowhere to be found on their website. I told them this was ridiculous and that I was being asked to do something but no one would tell me how to do it.

Today a man from Grimace rang me to say that my complaint had been upheld and they were giving me £75 for the inconvenience. I said the main thing I was interested in was that Grimace provided unambiguous guidance to customers on the certification of documents. However, what I really meant was: Woo! £75!

Unusual fly-tipping

One of my favourite activities these days is reporting fly-tipping – a task made much easier now Sparrow Council has a new app. You simply photograph the fly-tipping and the app tells the council where it is and that they should come and get it. I report scores of incidents each month because, sadly, our road is the unofficial rubbish dump of Sparrow.

Today, I came across the most unusual case of fly-tipping I have recorded to date – two young men on a mattress. I was on my way to collect a parcel from the post office and was quite startled to come across the men who were fast asleep in a fly-tipping hotspot. It may well have been a fly-tipped mattress they were sleeping on as we get lots of those. Perhaps they saw it and thought it looked like a pleasant place to have a nap. I was in two minds whether or not to photograph them and report them via the app. Living fly-tipping.