My adventures

I went to a conference at the Mayfair Conference Centre yesterday. Unfortunately the conference was actually at the Royal College of Surgeons. I made it just on time after a Challenge Anneka-style dash across London. Yesterday was a day of confusion as I kept getting mixed up in other conferences also at the Royal College of Surgeons. At one point I was at a dentistry conference and I nearly had lunch with the radiology conference delegates and on my way back from the toilet I ended up at the annual conference for the London deanery, whoever they are.

Good things that have happened today: 0

Bad things: 2


I have sent you all an email about the holiday. For those readers who are not going on holiday with us then I hope you enjoyed looking at where we might be staying when we go on holiday to France in October. Now I will continue to tell you about my thrilling life. This morning I went to a very posh house in Kensington to interview the new director of the National Playing Fields Association. I have realised that there is no need for Helen and I to do up our new flat. This woman was one of the richest people I have met but her furniture was covered in dirt and dog hair. Throughout the interview her black labrador kept hoovering away at its lady bits – chomp, chomp, chomp, squish, slurp. I had to exert extreme self control to avoid laughing. The dog reminded me very much of my family’s dead dog Jessie, whom I once tried to kill.

Holiday cottage options

here are some of the otpions for our holiday cottages:

“Le Patio – 440”:

This is Jo’s favourite. Looks v pretty, on a river. Two double bedrooms, one twin bedroom.

It’s basically a big mill and does share the pool/ garden with another holiday home, and the owners do live in it as well.

“Barbentane – 659”:

This has 4 double bedrooms, and a pony and a donkey. But it’s too expensive.

“Sequret – 476”:

2 double bedroom, 1 twin, 1 single.

shared pool and grounds with another holiday flat and the owners

“Le Borie – 543”:

two double bedrooms, plus external studio with twin room and own bathroom.
pizza oven.
garden doesn’t look that good.

“Mediba – 284”:

apartment part of owner’s house. shared pool. very cheap.

Other thoughts? Richard could you call them and see what’s happened to all those other ones that we were looking at?


Only seven minutes to go

Seven minutes until home time. It has been a tolerable day. I have sent many personal emails and done little work. No one will ever read this except Matt, so I don’t know why I am telling myself all this.


Helen won’t like this but Dan and I have just bought some cookies, 13 cookies to be precise. I have shared them out amongst my colleagues but they are all on diets (LOSERS!) and between them have consumed about an eighth of a cookie. That means more for us. Other important things that I have done today include dowloading an application form to be a magistrate. I suppose I should do some work…

Statement on behalf of Helen

Helen has been unable to contribute to the new website so far this morning as she has been otherwise engaged. Her schedule today includes booking a presenter and a newsreader. She’s also been listening back to check the weekend’s programmes and answering questions about the CCB. These dull activities are otherwise known as her ‘job’.

She very much hopes that Jo has done all her work seeing as it’s deadline day and sends her best wishes to all at Strawmarket.


Speculation is mounting over a suspected rift between world famous B&B proprietors Helen and Jo because Helen has FAILED to contribute to their new website.
A source close to Jo said: “Jo feels very lonely and is worried that she looks sad because she has written about a million entries and Helen has done NONE.”
Helen was unavailable for comment.

Daniel has just made me some tea

So far today I have made one phone call and then labelled my NEW stacking in-tray. Getting this was like getting a Christmas present except much, much less exciting. But, good news! M’colleague Daniel has just made me some tea.

PS Is this the dullest web log in the history of the internet?

From now on I will write my entries in the style of a sleazy tabloid newspaper.

I hate work and wish I was dead

Hello. This is my first entry on I’d like to register my disgust at the fact that I am at work. Work is evil. I hate work and think it should be banned. However, I am delighted that I have this website because it will mean I have something to do to make it look like I’m working very hard. Thank you Matt.